|
/ OCTOBER 2008
+ OCTOBER 24TH,
2008
NOW PLAYING:
Neil Young - Prairie Wind
A friend of mine got a ticket out front of our apartment last night.
He was in the loading zone with his hazards on, for about 5 minutes, tops.
It was my understanding that the building has a 15 min load-in area where
you can bring up groceries, moving stuff...whatever. As long as it's
clear you don't intend stay there (ie - hazards flashing), you should be
golden.
So he gets dinged with a $40 fine. The thing that burns me is, he
was totally in the right, but what's his recourse!? You can go
to court and fight it (and probably win), but you're at the mercy of their
schedule and will take on personal expense (time off work, transit,
personal time etc.) to save yourself a whopping $40. Most standard
parking tickets cost even less if you pay them on time. They know 98% of people
won't fight them and just pay the fine. I want to fight it on
principle, but they're not gonna listen to my rant anyhow.
As I was stewing over this on my walk to the studio this AM, I saw a
parking guy giving a ticket to some guy pulled halfway onto the sidewalk
by a fire hydrant. As the officer was placing the ticket on his
window, the man comes running out of Starbucks yelling, "Hey, that's my
car!!" I hear some arguing, most of which I can't make out, but
then clearly a "No, I honestly did not know I couldn't park here!!"
It made me realize that for every innocent person they bend over, there's
probably 100 dirty stinkin', guilty liars they have to contend with each
and every day. While I don't condone any kind of government scam
like parking fees (and taxes!), it made me appreciate what their day might
be like and instantly calmed me down.
In other news...my sweet red ballpoint pen exploded on me this morning.
I cleaned it up
and went on with my day. Well, I just got back from the bathroom and
as it turns out, I
had red ink spattered all over my forehead and cheek. It looked like
I had witnessed a close-range
shooting. Anyhow, it had to have been there for at least 2 hours so
it was dried on there quite good. I had to scrub at it for at least 10
minutes and now I can't tell if it's just a smeared a pink hue all over my
face or if my mug is just a little rosy and irritated from all that scrubbing!
I'm gonna have to wait another 20 mins and check again to see if it's
actually still there or not.
Hmmm, I guess I'm used to that feeling. I always swear that
I'm seeing a tasty roasted chicken on a platter right there
in my apartment. Then I rub my eyes, refocus, and realize it's
actually my child. Hey, you're not my lunch!!
Much Love & Stuff,
COOP
+ OCTOBER 21ST,
2008
NOW PLAYING:
Ryan Adams - Jacksonville City...
Have you ever noticed that you only hear shitty music being blasted from
the windows and rattling trunks of cars? What's up with that?
You'd think that all that time and expense would yield some actual concern
for the content it spews into the world. I can't think of a single
time (and it happens a lot) that someone drove by and I went, "Hey,
cool tune!". It's always some um-ish-um-ish bullshit or
horrible fake rap song from 5 years ago. Trust me, if I know
it...it's OLD. And not in a fun "It's Tricky" or "Baby's
Got Back" kinda way...more like..."Mambo #5". All the
good will and attention they garner with their amplitude and slick,
spinning rims is completely nixed by the actual sounds emanating from
within. I caught a look at the license plate, which of course read:
"DOOSHBG1"
It's kinda like going out with the sharpest, tailor-made designer duds you
can buy (plus super sweet shoes too) but having a massive, festering wound
in the middle of your face. "This is a Paul Smith suit, bitch!"
you'll belligerently shout to the entire restaurant as your blind date
beelines for the door after one glance at you. These shallow
bitches, eh!?
I'm sorry, all this wind, rain, and bad moozics has put a real bunch in my
undercarriage. Maybe putting a dab or two of fresh oil under the
hood would help. No wait...that would just lead to more rubbing and
chaffing...if you catch my drift.
I'm sure you do...friggin' pervert.
Much Love & Stuff,
COOP
+ OCTOBER 17TH,
2008
NOW PLAYING:
Ray LaMontagne - Gossip In The...
It's amazing how one weekend of relaxing and over indulging can make such
radical mental changes to your daily routine -- the same ones you had in
place for months and months. Then an extreme holiday like Thanksgiving comes
around and upsets your whole balance in one huge blowout.
As I ate me usual bowl of cereal Monday morning, my brain and stomach
started asking, "Is THIS IT!? You should go back out for bacon & eggs,
pastries, a 2nd, 3rd, maybe even 4th coffee. While we're at it, why is
there no booze in anything? Maybe you should pull up your panties, chug
some booze and not even bother going into work. What's your problem?"
Ahem.
This next bit isn't going to make a lot of sense, but maybe you'll have
as much fun reading it as I did writing it. Sometimes I get
indignant about stupid, petty stuff but can usually reign it in. It
all depends on the day. Lately, some stuff has been bugging me, and guess what!?
Today I feel like bitching. It's as incoherent as ever...but it feels good to let it out. So suck it if you don't like it.
Yeah, you. Suck. It.
I'll start the illogical, pointless bitching and pseudo-philosophizing with THIS:
AC/DC just announced that it will intentionally forgo making their new
album available via digital mediums like iTunes, Napster etc. They claim
that digital media is "...dangerous" and its proprietors are "...only
in it for the money, not for the music." Fine, they're entitled
to that (asskissing & completely retarded) opinion...but what ruffled my
feathers was the further announcement that their new piece of shit album
will be exclusively available at Wal-Mart (!!) before anywhere else.
I guess I wasn't aware Wal-Mart was the epicentre of musical
legitimacy. This shit is hilarious. Does anyone seriously
listen to AC/DC still? OK, OK...I get the retro factor, and sure, I've
rocked out to "Back In Black" with a Camaro & Budweiser and that's
fine...but if any of you go out and buy "Black Ice" expecting
anything resembling those days, you're an idiot. Plain and simple.
This isn't about subjectivity and each his own opinion...it's a fact.
I guarantee their record will suck so much balls, people will begin to
refer to the physical CD as actual balls. "Hey man, want to
borrow my AC/DC balls? It's totally balls."
This 80's nostalgia and trendiness is getting out of hand, and is
easily the most lame thing going right
now. You should see Queen Street - it's hilarious.
Humongous neon green sweaters, acid wash jeans,
Risky
Business shades, moustaches...the whole thing right down to the bowler
hat. These people clearly don't get it. The 80's produced nothing of
substance at all. Even being tongue and cheek or ironic about it doesn't
automatically give it substance. It was soulless and total bullshit the
first time around. It's like watching a photo of yourself as a stupid,
impressionable kid come to life...retarded clothing and hair cuts...you
can almost hear the cringing as these people look back on the photos of
themselves ten years from now and wonder aloud "what the HELL was I
thinking!?" The sound is kinda deafening, actually.
Welcome to Toronto. We're so cool, we're ridiculously hip. But in the
end, we're all just massively uncool for being so goddam aware of
ourselves...aren't we?
The funny thing is, I mean, other than a handful of people, do you know
anyone who doesn't think the shit they like is the coolest thing ever? I
mean, no matter where you sit on the Cool Bellcurve™, who puts on a pair
of pants and goes out thinking "Hey, these pants look like shit!?"
Who gets a haircut and says "Hey buddy, make my hair look nice and
shitty would ya? Thanks!" Everyone loves their shit, why else would
they be rockin' it? So the very idea of cool is indeed subjective.
Subjectivity for our interests is nothing new, but check this out:
Nerds go to Comicon all dressed as BobaFett, and while we all know it's
not really cool, what IS cool is that ol' Poindexter got a friggin'
semi when he saw that costume in
Silver
Snail and put that shit on layaway, stat. As lame as you may think
that is, Boba there is in nerd heaven now and that's all OK with me.
So I guess people that like AC/DC think it's cool...and relevant.
People that went to the New Kids On The Block Reunion show thought that
was a pretty badass joint. You may scoff and be further ahead of
The
Curve than some, you may be further behind than others...hell you may
not even know The Curve exists. Good on ya, it's a stupid
thing to think about (look at me!). After all, it all comes down to frame of reference
anyhow. For example:
I saw a girl smoking a pipe yesterday...which would normally make her
interesting
in a sassy Juno-esque kind of way...except I read Vice magazine and
they had a photo session a few months back featuring chicks smoking pipes.
So after one look at this lass, I knew she was the type that would have
seen that, totally copped it, and went out into the public, absolutely
desperate for attention and the need for people to label her "eccentric".
Screw you, fake eccentric bitch. The way you operate hurts my brain
WAY more than the Boba Fett guy. But tell me she wouldn't be the
first person to rip on the nerd. Stupid sheep. (Is it just me,
or does it sounds weird to say "sheep" as a singular entity? That
guy is a ship! Baaaaaa!!!)
Although, I suppose it's sort of indicative of our current times. We're
all overstuffed and spoiled, entitled and demanding. We want what we want
and we want it now...until we grow tired of it and toss it into the
landfill (to improperly biodegrade). So I guess spending all our money on
immediate, substance-free, and commercial crap kind of lines ourselves up
with the current economic crunch. The lifestyle you've invested in is
nothing more than a sub-prime mortgage scam. Think about that for a
minute.
These bailouts by the government aren't going to teach us a damn thing
either. Our current state of affairs is not unlike the kid that gets
everything handed to him their entire life. When he gets in trouble, no
one makes him accountable for his decisions. He just gets bailed out, the
slate wiped clean. Hmmm, will he learn from his mistakes or will he just
repeat them all over again?
So yeah, fuck you AC/DC. Fuck you right in the balls.
Much Love (I'll Apologize Later),
COOP
+ OCTOBER 1ST,
2008
NOW PLAYING:
Bon Iver - For Emma, Forever Ago
A funny thing has been happening to my brain over the last few months
during our new life with Sam. Despite the massive sleep and social
life deprivation, and the overt grown-upedness of parenthood...I'm
somehow feeling a lot younger these days. It's not physical, it's
all mental...but it's decidedly real. Wait, I think I can
explain it better.
I feel like that brand new family in your old family photos. When
you look back at them, you always notice it's not the baby who looks so
young. I feel like that Dad in the background of some old
TechniColour™ photograph that has barely started to shave, or
recognize his potential, or menace over your existence with larger than
life Dad powers and authority. He's just standing there hoping you
won't get chocolate pudding all over the interior of his Dodge wagon.
Mom's got funny hair, and a dress that Grandma macramé'd for her while you
were on your Honeymoon in Niagara Falls.
What's not in the photo, but it's palpable....is how much life is there
to live, straight ahead. That's where I am. Envisioning
camping trips, scraped knees, temper tantrums, pup tents, cat mangling,
watermelon seeds, piles of broken and neglected toys, Superman sheets,
lunch pails...<fades out, tirelessly rhyming off idealities...>
Here is my Dad, snuggin' and snarfin' my brother Dave during his first few
months of life, and Dad's first crack at fatherhood:
And
HERE is our beloved Cookie Momster,
snugglin' and snarfin' our darling Sam during his first months of life.
Tell me you can't see why there's a spring in my step and a song in my
heart.
Seems only the technology has changed.
Much Love & Stuff,
COOP
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